Older people, don’t they deserve to have sex?

In many people's minds, the terms "elderly" and "sex life" are irrelevant.

In the past, the elderly in our minds were the amiable elderly who helped take care of their grandchildren downstairs, the faltering elderly who needed to give way on the bus, and the helpless elderly who didn't know what the health code was... …

But the facts will always be far from our imagination.

Shi Hong, director of the Men’s Department of Ren’ai Branch of the First Affiliated Hospital of Guangxi University of Traditional Chinese Medicine, said that most of the elderly’s sex life can last beyond the age of 70. Among them, nearly half of them can remain until about 80, and some are still at 90. There are sexual requirements.

Sexual needs and sexual life are never just the patent of young people.

But in the eyes of most young people, the sex life of the elderly does not exist.

In a questionnaire "Do your parents still have sex?" 85% of young people believe that their parents no longer have sex.

This is also verified in the book "Leave Historical Evidence for "All Sex"" by the famous sexologist Pan Suiming.

In 2014, he searched the "Chinese Journal Full-text Database" and found a total of 4 articles on "Sexual Life in Old Age", one of which was a literary review. He couldn't help but sigh: "What's wrong with this society? Everyone knows that China has entered an aging society... But why is no one paying attention to the sexual problems of the elderly?"

In such a social environment, most of the elderly who still have sexual needs have to suppress their desires. And those old people who choose to release their desires may not choose the right way.

There is a 91-year-old lady in Yiwu. Her husband has been living alone for more than 20 years.

She occasionally takes in some homeless people. In her words, taking in these homeless people can not only be company, but also collect some "accommodation fees" to subsidize the family.

Over the years, two or three men in their 60s have asked to sleep with them, and she has had sex with them in a daze.

In the end, she was found to be infected with AIDS.

There is more than one such example.

Mr. Li, in his 50s, met several sexual partners by dancing ballroom dancing in the square before he contracted AIDS.

He thought he was this age and had lost the ability to conceive a woman, so he didn't wear a condom.

According to Mr. Li, he has had sex with more than 50 women, among which more than a dozen women have also been diagnosed with AIDS.

From January to October 2019, the CDC of the National Health Commission tested 230 million people nationwide, and the new report found 131,000 cases of HIV infection. Han Mengjie, director of the STD and AIDS Prevention and Control Center of the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention, said that the new report is about the elderly. The number of people living with AIDS has increased significantly.

UNIAIDS data shows that there were approximately 35.3 million AIDS patients worldwide in 2014, of which 4.2 million were elderly patients.

Compared with 2005, the number of elderly AIDS patients in my country has increased five times in 2012.

Recently, new research carried out by the Initiative to Promote Transformed Health (SHIFT) project found that the risk of sexually transmitted diseases among middle-aged and elderly people is now higher than in the past.

Experts related to the SHIFT project conducted a survey of 800 adults (over the south coast of England, northern Belgium and the Netherlands). Among them, 200 adults were identified as vulnerable people (low socioeconomic status). Among the general population, 80% are in the 45-65 age group, while among the vulnerable population, 58% are in the 45-54 age group.

Researchers have found that society is very secretive about the topic of sexual health, and that people over 45 have limited demand for relevant knowledge, which means that most elderly people cannot realize the dangers of unprotected sex.

Stigma is the biggest obstacle for the elderly to receive treatment for sexual diseases. Many respondents hinted that they think sexual health is a very "dirty" topic. This prevents people from seeking regular health checks.

Image source: Tuworm Creative

Tess Hartland, a research assistant at the SHIFT project, said: "The biggest obstacle to people seeking treatment is social stigma and the assumption that the elderly are asexual and no longer have sexual behavior. These are all practical. This limits this group's awareness of sexual health services." In addition, the "most" survey respondents were not aware of the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

Harlan said: “Many services and sexual health initiatives are actually tailored for young people.” Many people over 45 years of age may not have received much sexual health education during their student years. Attitude also has an impact.

People over the age of 45 may not be aware of the need to obtain sexual health services, or they may not be able to obtain related services.

(The above international information and data are quoted from the public account "Good Doctors in the World" article: "Still talking about "sex" discoloration? Research found: the sexual health of people over 45 years old is worrying")

In addition to sexually transmitted diseases, you may have seen news that shocked you:

The girl was sexually assaulted by many middle-aged and elderly people in two years;

A 13-year-old girl became pregnant after being repeatedly raped by an elderly person;

A 72-year-old vegetative woman was sexually assaulted by a 78-year-old man;

...

As a result, more and more people sigh with emotion: the bad guys are getting old, and the group of elderly people is often targeted and condemned by people.

But behind the hustle and bustle of public opinion is actually the plight of the elderly in real life.

Tencent News once produced a program called "Talking to Strangers". One of the programs was called "Changpuhe Elderly Love", which focused on the sex and love of the elderly.

Changpuhe Park is Beijing’s famous “elderly blind date”. Every Tuesday and Saturday, all kinds of single grandparents gather here. They sing and dance here, laugh and talk, and find someone who can work together to live together for their last time. Partner.

When they were looking for their wives, they didn't try the slow pace like that of young people, but went straight ahead and straight to the point.

Uncle Hu in the show is very straightforward, "Are you divorced or widowed, where do you live, how much income, whether there is retirement, whether there is medical insurance, and how is your health".

On the one hand, like young people, they consider more realistic conditions; on the other hand, they also have strong passions and desires like young people.

Speaking of his previous girlfriends, Uncle Hu can be described as eloquent.

Among them, there was a girlfriend who made Uncle Hu mad. She couldn't help kissing her on the street, regardless of the opinions of passersby. Because I like it, I like it crazy.

In front of the host, Uncle Hu made no secret of his desire for sex.

"What is the craziest thing you have ever done when you are in love?"

"Four times a day."

"What is the most romantic thing you have ever done?"

"It's at the Dashilan Cinema, so what's the matter?"

"Apart from sex, what is the most romantic thing you have ever done?"

"Mandarin duck bath."

In the program, Uncle Hu is dating a 40-year-old girlfriend, and will send her to the hospital for moxibustion every Monday to Thursday. The two have been taking care of each other for more than a year. However, when his girlfriend talked about getting a marriage certificate, Uncle Hu became impatient.

The host asked: Why not get married?

Uncle Hu explained that because he doesn't like quarrels, at least don't make me angry.

But as the show progressed, the audience seemed to slowly understand the truth about Uncle Hu's not getting married.

It turns out that when Uncle Hu jumped in the line, a girl was very kind to him, and later Uncle Hu married her.

Before marriage, Uncle Hu knew that the girl was in poor health, and the two had a sexless marriage for half a lifetime.

But even so, when the host asked him: "Have you never thought about leaving her?"

Uncle Hu asked in turn: "Do you bear it? The vows you swear when you get married will never give up, regardless of birth, old age, sickness, and death, poverty and wealth, and you will have to share a beggar. That's the destiny."

Uncle Hu stayed with his wife for seven years of illness. During that time, Uncle Hu ran to the hospital every day until his wife couldn't hold on and sent her away.

Speaking of the last time before his wife's death, Uncle Hu couldn't help crying in the show.

After the death of his wife, Uncle Hu always took a park card with his wife's photo wherever he went.

Every night from 7 to 9 o'clock, Uncle Hu goes to a pine tree in the Temple of Heaven Park to miss his wife, who used to exercise before his lifetime.

Perhaps every elderly person like Uncle Hu who desires sex and love has a moving past behind him.

In our country, 40% of the elderly population of close to 200 million people have no partners or children around.

The wheels of years are rolling forward, taking away the old lovers who were once lovers, and even some old people have experienced giving away white-haired people to black-haired people, and in the end only themselves are left alone.

Living alone in his chaotic room, only his past wedding photos are left to accompany him. When he is sad, he can only secretly wipe his tears at the pictures of his dead lover.

There are so many empty-nest old people who have nothing to do with them. They are alone until they die, and they are not even known about their deaths. They are not discovered until many days after death.

We cannot deny that some elderly people do have moral flaws, but looking at the entire group of elderly people, most of them are normal and not so crooked. In this society, they are still in a disadvantaged position.

They have gone through hardships in their youth and dedicated their youth to let their offspring live a happier life. But one day, when they get old, their children may not be able to give them the love and company they want.

Their time is running out, and they also need to live for themselves in this life.

They certainly need sex, not only because sex can meet their physical needs, but also because the meaning behind sex is love and companionship.

What we can do is to fully understand and respect their needs, pay as much attention to the spiritual world of their parents as possible, and give them full love and company.

According to international regulations, people over 65 years old are determined to be seniors; Article 2 of my country's "Law on the Protection of Rights and Interests of the Elderly" stipulates that anyone who is 60 years old is considered an elderly.

The elderly in your impression can only represent part of the portrait of this group.

You see, the 66-year-old Lin Qingxia, who belongs to this group, not only maintains the charm of the past, but also keeps recording and sharing her life, what she has seen and heard in recent years, and she has recently published a book she wrote.

The same goes for the 66-year-old Zhao Yazhi. She still lives very beautifully, as if years never left any trace on her.

We must have seen some elderly people around us or in the news. Even though they are a lot of age, they still insist on what they love and stay young.

They are just getting old. Many elderly people still have the same passion for life, love and desire.

We may be young now, but one day we will live to their age.

On that day, I hope that each of us can live the way we want, be understood, respected, and loved, and spend our twilight years with a hot heart forever.